Episode 803: The One Where Rachel Tells...

Part of this episode is being re-shot. See the bottom for details.

In the very first scene we see Chandler sitting on the couch, reading a paper. Monica comes in saying she's ready to head for the airport, but he says

"No, we're not gonna do your crazy 'getting to the airport 3 hours early' thing." He goes on to say that marriage is about compromise and they should try it his way and get there an hour before the flight leaves. She reluctantly agrees. Phoebe and Joey come in and Phoebe has a funny line saying something about

"Why aren't you leaving for the airport yet? Your flight leaves in less than 5 hours!"

Monica goes on to explain how she is married to Chandler now and marriage is about compromise… so they're leaving later. Chandler says if it'll make her feel better, he'll go pack right then, she says

"You already are. The only thing I couldn't find was your Speedos."

He looks all embarrassed at Phoebe and Joey, saying "I don't have Speedos! I'm just gonna go find my normal bathing suit." Then he goes into the bedroom.

Then Rachel comes in and tells Monica, Phoebe, and Joey that she is definitely gonna tell the father about the pregnancy today. They have odd looks on their faces, so she questions them as to why they are looking at her like that.

Joey says "We know the father is ROSS!"

The audience went nuts! Then, Rachel says she wanted Ross to know before anyone else. She goes on to ask them how to tell him.

They ask her "What were you thinking of saying?"

She says "I was gonna tell him that he could be as involved as he wanted to be."

They all agree that that sounds fine, but she asks: "How do I bring it up?" They're all speechless. She goes "Ok, great!" then starts to leave, they all wish her good luck.

Then Chandler comes out of the bedroom and asks what that was all about. Monica tells Chandler that Ross and Rachel are expecting a child. His voice gets all high as he asks

"What? Why wasn't I told? Why am I talking like this?"

Monica tells him that he's not good at keeping secrets is why he wasn't told, and he comes back with (again in a high voice)

"What?" then he clears his throat, then says (again in a high pitched voice) "What?" then he goes on to say that he is an excellent secret keeper.

Joey asks him "What secrets?"

Chandler says "No, no, I'm not telling you cause I'm an excellent secret keeper!"

When Phoebe and Monica walk away Joey leans in and says

"Tell me later?" and Chandler says

"You already know."

--Phoebe and Joey go to Joey and Rachel's apartment… Phoebe says it's romantic sending people off on their honeymoon, Joey agrees and asks

"Do you think they'll make it?"

Phoebe replies with "I give it 5 years."

Joey then says "No, I meant to the airport!"

She says "Oh! Yeah!"

Ross walks in and Phoebe tells him that Rachel is looking for him. He says

"Ok, I'll catch up with her later." kinda casually… Phoebe then says that it's pretty important. Ross gets all serious and says "Oh, I think I know what this is about."

Phoebe and Joey question him and he admits that one month ago him and Rachel slept together.

Phoebe goes "And?"

Ross looks at her with an odd statement and says "You don't sound very shocked…"

Phoebe then says "Oh, sorry. AND!?"

Ross looks at her with an odd statement, then moves on to say that Rachel must want to continue a relationship.

Joey says "I don't think that's what it is."

Ross says "Why, what did she say?"

Then Joey says "Wow! My stomach hurts!"

Ross moves on from that saying that he will go find her… he says something else to them, with which Phoebe says

"Oh, wow, maybe it's something you ate!" to Joey.

Ross then left to find Rachel.

--Then we are at the airport, Chandler tells Monica t!hat there was no lines, no traffic, no hang-ups…

"Compromise works."

She says "My name is Mrs. Bing! I think I've compromised!"

The attendant makes a comment about how funny the name is. Other funny stuff happened/was said, but I couldn't catch it all.

--Then we go back to Joey and Rachel's… Phoebe mentions that she left her guitar over at Chandler and Monica's, and Joey says he has stuff over there too… Monica's chicken dish (can't remember the name) Phoebe asks for his copy of their key, he says

"They took it from me to give to you!"

She says "They took my key to give to you!"

He says "Why don't they want us to have their key?"

She says "Maybe they don't trust us."

He says "They trusted me with their key last time they left town."

She says "Oh, was that the time you broke the ketchup bottle and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels?"

He says "Hey, I washed them!"

She says "No you didn't!"

He says "Yeah, I didn't think that sounded like me!"

So, they try to figure out how to get in, then, Joey gets an idea. He calls Treeger and tells him they smell gas and think there's a gas leak and to come up and check it out…

"And bring garlic bread." Joey adds.

--Then we are back at the airport… Chandler and Monica are going through the metal detectors… Monica is off loading everything possibly metal cause

"I've never set one of these things off and I'm not starting now!" They get through with no problems, but then Chandler sees a sign that says: 'No joking about explosives' (something like that)… so Chandler being Chandler, he tells a joke

"Oh, don't worry ma'am, I take my bombs very seriously."

They immediately take Chandler and Monica off to interrogate them.

--Then we see Rachel sitting on the floor in front of Ross' apartment. He sees her and looks at her and she spots him and looks up and !they say 'Hi'. He helps her off the floor and she tells him they need to talk. He agrees and invites her in. He says he should talk first to save her from embarrassment. She says ok and he starts in, being all 'Ross-y'. He says

"Ross and Rachel, Rachel and Ross… that was a crazy see-saw."

Rachel goes "What?"

He goes on to say that the one night was great and certainly passionate, but to get back together would be bad.

She goes "Seriously, what?"

He goes to explain further and she stops him

"Can I talk now?"

He says "Yeah."

She said "Ross, I'm pregnant."

He looks so baffled and confused and scared and bewildered… all at once… it's quite hilarious! She just looks at him for a moment, he is just staring, unmoving.

She says "Whenever your ready…" and picks up a magazine and starts thumbing through it. After another moment of him unmoving she adds "Oh, and you're the father."

They imply that time goes by a bit (maybe they will show another scene in-between the two scenes, I don't know), his statement looks even more confused, bewildered, baffled…

Rachel says "Can I get you some water?"

He says "No, I'm good."

She says something about being involved as mush or as little as he is comfortable with, his statement gets even MORE hilarious (even Marta Kauffman, Kevin Bright, and David Crane were laughing hysterically!) and he nods, then goes on to ask something about

"How did this happen?"

She says "Condoms are only effective 97% of the time."

He is utterly shocked by that… "No they're not!"

"Yes they are."

"Well, they should put that on the box!"

"They do!"

"No they don't!" He runs off to go get his box and is looking it over, then says something like "They should put it in bolder print!"

Rachel says she was freaking out at first too…

He says "I'm not freaking out! I'm upset… as a consumer!" while he holds up the condom box. He goes on to say that he's gonna call the president of the condom company. Rachel tries to leave but he stops her. He dials the number then listens for a moment, then says "Yeah I'll press one!"

Rachel leaves while he's distracted.

--Back at the airport Chandler and Monica are being interrogated… Chandler says

"I know the sign says no jokes about bombs, but shouldn't the sign say no bombs?! I mean, isn't that what we should be worried about?! Not the people who joke about the bombs but the people WITH the bombs?!" The security people just stare at him… then he says "You wanted to ask me questions?"

One security guy asks Monica what her association with Chandler is, she says

"I'm his wife. But we only got married 3 days ago and I don't know what he does outside the house!"

Chandler says "Thanks darling."

One of the security guys picks up Monica's suitcase and she gets anxious, saying it's hers and not his… they assure her it's just procedure. She goes on to say that it took her hours to fold everything just right, but the guy pays no attention to her and starts flinging clothes out of the suitcase.

She looks all upset and says "You're mean!"

--Back at Joey's, Phoebe and Joey are playing a game where the little characters box, and the heads pop up when you hit them just right. They start talking about something, didn't catch what, then they hear this LOUD noise across the hall. They open the door to see Treeger and a fireman axing down Chandler and Monica's apartment door! Joey is all panicking, asking what he's doing,

Treeger says "You said there was a gas leak!"

Phoebe says something about using a key to get in…

He replies with "With all these keys? It would take too long!" and he holds up a key ring FULL of keys. They continue and ax the door down.

--Later they show! Joey sitting at the table eating Monica's chicken dish… Treeger says he can't find a gas leak.

Joey says "Then I can warm this up now?" and gets up to heat the chicken dish up.

Phoebe asks that Treeger not tell Chandler and Monica about the door… "Cause it's like a child to them."

He says he has to change the lock, so, they're gonna know. He says it's an all day project and will have to miss his yoga class. Ross then comes in and Treeger says something about missing the class and to tell Jasmine for him.

Ross notices the door… "What happened to the door?"

Joey says "Oh, so, it's noticeable?"

Phoebe asks about finding Rachel, he says he did… then says "Ok, you know we slept together, but there's something else… Rachel is pregnant."

Phoebe and Joey act SUPER OVERLY surprised…

Ross looks at them, then says "And I'm the father."

Phoebe says "Oh my God! This is BRAND NEW INFORMATION!"

Ross looks at her for a second, then says "You knew this already, didn't you?"

They say "Yeah."

He goes on to say he didn't handle it very well, that he was shocked… "But, I had just found out that condoms are only 97% effective!"

Joey says "Nuh-uh!"

Ross says something about it being true…

Joey says "Then it should be on the box!"

Ross says "Apparently, it is."

Joey says something like "No way!" then pulls out a string of condoms and starts looking over the packages… "Well, I'll be…"

Ross leaves.

--Back at the airport… the security people say Chandler and Monica are free to go…

Chandler says "I would thank you, but you just touched all my wife's underwear."

They leave the office, and just outside the office there is a call on Monica's cell phone… it's Joey.

Joey says "Hey, Monica, Phoebe and I smell gas coming from your place!"

Monica says "You're kidding!" then turns to Chandler…! "Joey smells gas!"

Chandler says "What else is new?"

Joey says "You took our keys away! What do you want us to do? Do you want us to break down the door?"

Monica says "Yes!"

He says "Are you sure?"

She says "Yes!"

He says "You're absolutely sure you want us to break the door down?"

She says "No, I want you to stand around and wait for the building to blow up!" (sarcastically)… they get escorted back into the security office at the airport.

--Then we're at the DRs office… Rachel is laying on a little table with her legs in stirrups. The nurse asks if she's comfortable…

Rachel says "If I say yes, will you judge me?"

The nurse smiles and says "The DR will be right with you."

Then, Ross shows up. He starts talking about how he handled it wrong, that he's sorry… that he'll be with her… through everything. Through the DRs appointments and the labor and delivery…

He goes on to say "And when we safety-guard the apartments, but we can worry about that later after we're married."

Rachel says "What? We're getting married?"

Ross says "Well, yeah… you can't do this alone?"

She says "I can't?"

He says "No. You can't even eat at a restaurant alone."

She says "Yeah I can!"

He says something about "Yeah? Like when?"

She says "Like when I'm still finishing my soup and other people get up and leave!"

He says something like "Well, when you take 2 hours to eat soup!"

She says "Well if you didn't inhale your food!"

Then the DR comes in… "Am I interrupting something?"

Rachel says "No. This is the father… Ross."

Ross says "Yes, the father, but apparently not the husband cause she can do this alone."

They start to do the sonogram, it's all very touching. DR points out the baby on the monitor, Ross and Rachel seem in awe and touched. The DR leaves them alone…

Ross says! "Pretty amazing, huh?"

She says "I can't see it!" She's crying and upset.

He says "You told the DR you could."

She says "I lied! I didn't want her to think I was a horrible mom!"

So, he points the baby out. She says she sees it, but when he asks her she says 'no', that she can't.

So he says "Ok, see this? It looks like a peanut?"

She says "Yeah."

He says "That's it."

She says "That's it? Well, I saw it!"

After a moment of them looking in awe, she says "Thank you Ross."

--Then we're back at Joey's with Phoebe… Joey says something like:

"So, Chandler and Monica's door is replaced and everything is all locked up?"

Phoebe says "Yeah, why?"

He says "Just wondering how badly I want…" something else Monica made that's food related… didn't catch it.

Then Ross and Rachel walk in, and Phoebe asks how the appointment went. They say great…

Then Ross says "Rachel, show them the picture of your uterus."

Joey makes a comment (couldn't tell what), Rachel then shows the picture. Phoebe sees the baby, Joey doesn't. Rachel says something about not being able to at first either… she starts to point it out but looks flustered, then turns to Ross…

"I lost it again!" She's all emotional, and he put his arm around her and starts to point it out.

That's it. The End.

Things I noticed:

The actors seemed to get along well, and Marta Kauffman, Kevin Bright, and David Crane seemed to have a great report with the actors.

Matthew Perry is not as thin as he was at the beginning of season 7, but not as chunky as he was at the end of season 6… his hair is short.

Lisa Kudrow's son was on the set… he was adorable, very active… kept jumping on the couch and chair in Chandler and Monica's apartment. He seemed to have a nanny type person in charge of keeping him out of the way. Matt seemed to have a good relationship with her son.

Matthew and Lisa were tickling each other at one point. Very cute.

While music was playing for the audience's sake, Matthew and Courteney were doing a little dance in their chairs.

David and Matt made a few mistakes and were laughing pretty hard over it. They seemed to have a good relationship.

There were kids EVERYWHERE! I counted at least 6. They were NOT actors, they were with people who worked there.

Matthew and Courteney left before final curtain call cause they were done with their scenes.

Jim Bentley was the warm-up guy/comedian is the same comedian that we saw at our many trips to the tapings of 'The Weber Show'… he remembered us! Shook our hands… gave us 'Friends' stuff. Nice guy!

****Re shoot details****

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